A little girl wants to die

Last week I found on the internet a photo of a little girl in a bathing suit flying a kite.  I needed the photo for my sculpture mobile kite-home.  It's a happy picture of a girl by the water though she is totally alone.  For some reason this photo combined with some memories shared by others in the group last week and caused me to remember that when I was little I wanted to die.  Be dead.  However for pretty much my whole life I haven't known how to take action.  Things were done TO me not BY me.  I guess this is lucky in that I'm still alive.

Of course Grannie died and her death "put her out of her misery" according to my father.  Nothing else was ever said about her death.  I think I equated death with rest.  An end of suffering.  Which means that I did know that I was suffering though I don't remember that awareness.  I don't believe I ever thought you went anywhere after death though clearly Grannie thought so -- judging by the inscription on the tombstone.  But we were able to visit her there in the cemetery at Christmas.  And I still do sometimes.